I am the Adam Morrell who just stole a neighbour’s pug.
Well, really, it just followed me down the street for a bit without me noticing, but what kind of a headline would that be? A bad one.
I am the Adam Morrell who once grabbed an old lady by the face (accidentally).
Fall asleep on train to work. Wake up to find train at relevant station. Recognise need to remove self from train quickly or risk ending up at irrelevant station. Crane arm over apparently empty seat in front to pull self to feet. Apparently empty seat not empty. Unexpected fistful of face. Face attached to startled old lady. Remove fingers from surprised nostrils. Train seconds from departure. No time to explain what happened or enquire after health of old lady. Shout apology over shoulder while running towards door. Acknowledge this is not an ideal resolution to situation. I have never seen that startled old lady since, but not a day goes by when I don’t think about her.
No Joseph, you can’t have another Kinder Egg. Mummy wouldn’t be a good mummy if she said yes to everything, would she?
“
| — | I am the Adam Morrell who very nearly attempted to say something suave and James Bond upon hearing this in a newsagent, but then remembered I am neither suave nor James Bond. |
I am the Adam Morrell who, on my first ever attempt at karaoke, sang ‘Is This Love?’ by Bob Marley & The Wailers - a song I had previously heard only once, on Stars in Their Eyes.
I was 15 years old on a school trip to Germany and wanted to impress a girl. I ended up impressing her right out of the room and into the arms of a suave German man who gave her a lovebite so prominent that she was forced to wear a turtleneck jumper for the rest of the week.
I am the Adam Morrell who would, as a child, refer to then UK Prime Minister John Major as “The Daddy Man”.
Because he looked a bit like my dad, basically.
I am the Adam Morrell whose mum, then a dinner lady at the primary school I was attending as a six year old boy, claimed one of my female classmates (also six years old) had asked her: “Why does your Adam run like a lady?”.
Presumably in an attempted psychological ploy to make me stop running like a lady.
I am the Adam Morrell who came up with one of the top seven sealife jokes of all time.
Why was Free Willy sentenced to the death penalty?
Crimes against a manatee.
I am the Adam Morrell who, upon hearing someone say “Must’ve done”, immediately replies “Pterodactyl”.
This is a Power Rangers reference which has a recognition ratio of about 50/50.
